Thu, 13 Jul 2017 04:44:10 GMT
I am saddened to see my brothers and sisters tangled up with so much disagreement.
It takes our eyes off the real goal--to win souls for your kingdom. All these things they are arguing over are man-made. It's not about your real kingdom. It's nothing to do with your plan of salvation or how we can grow to know more about you or your will for our lives. It hurts me.
I am disappointed in other things as well. There is more than one person I know living in blatant sin yet they participate in the worship as if nothing is wrong. That can't be okay, God, and I don't understand why it's allowed.
I know I sin as well, but I am not living in continual sin. At least I pray I'm not. Among others, there is a man who abuses his wife and kids, physically and emotionally, yet he does public prayers and serves the Lord's Supper. Another man comes to church irregularly, has been divorced 3 times and still sees women regularly and he also serves communion. Is this okay? The elders know these things. Maybe there is really nothing they can do, or should do; I don't know. Maybe it is good that the men are staying in church. Maybe it keeps them from doing worse. Ugh. I feel sick talking about these things, but I am not going to work through them unless I do.
Am I being judgmental? I feel like a Pharisee, like I'm being self-righteous. I hate that feeling, and it makes me a little angry that I am being put in a position to even think this way.
God, you know how much I sin, how much I fall on my knees and confess to you just about every day. I feel I am weak. I am not thinking I am more Holy or strong. I don't want to get to an attitude where I do not feel a need to confess to you. Confession is cleansing and refreshing to my spirit. But I'm thinking that if all these other things are okay, then maybe I worry too much.
Maybe I am being too obsessive over my sins. These thoughts are giving me a bad attitude and I'm sorry, Father. I don't know what to think or do. Help me understand these things. Forgive me for my bad attitude, and help me to change it.
I want to love everyone. I don't like everyone, but there is no one I hate. I heard a song today that said, "They will know we are Christians by our love". I want to have that kind of love that shines for you. I don't want to be involved in the problems at my church. I don't want to know about the sins of others. Maybe I should be more of a loner. If I am wrong, please show me. Please teach me because I feel myself getting confused. Please don't let go of me. If you are not my guide, I will never make it.