Sat, 15 Apr 2017 02:39:10 GMT
You are Holy, righteous, and just. You are also kind, loving, and merciful to those who try to do your will. You know I love you, God, because you know my heart and my motives even more than I do.
You also know that I have been fighting some heavy emotions the past few days, and I am not feeling well physically, which might be contributing to this hovering depression.
I'm starting to lose faith that my physical pain will ever get better, and I don't want to lose hope. Ever. Please make the fatigue and pain in my muscles go away. Medication isn't helping; in fact, it's getting worse. My only hope for getting better lies with you. If getting better isn't your plan for me, then help me to accept and cope with this illness in a better way. You are more powerful than any illness, and you are in control. Your will be done in my life. Whatever happens, I love and honor you.
I feel like I want to cry. I don't know exactly for what reason but things seem to be jumbled right now. My whole world has been turned upside down the past nine months. That's a good thing. I t needed to be turned upside down. I was dying but you rescued me; you saved me, and put me on a new path toward heaven. Praise and honor to you my Lord!
I need you now, Lord. I'm feeling mixed up and unsure of some things. It makes me sad. I have a problem letting go, especially of things and people I love. I don't want to let go of Easter. I'm tempted to participate this Sunday at a church that celebrates it. But I know you do not want me to do that. You gave me a wonderful church family and I need to be with them on Sunday. I know you will be there, and I will not have to wonder if it's OK. I will be with my brothers and sisters and worship you with them.
I feel like I am having a growth spurt, and growth spurts can be painful. It's nice and cozy in my baby blanket and I love the milk, but now you are telling me that it is time to leave the crib and walk. You are giving me solid food. Like a baby, I want to spit it out in hopes of getting milk again.
But you are a good Father. You will give me what I need to grow up and be strong. If I never leave the crib, I will be crippled, and without solid food, my spirit will not be nourished, and I will not spiritually grow.
So teach me, Father. Help me walk. Teach me what I need to know, and help me to follow you with all my heart regardless of what I think is best to do.