Thu, 23 Feb 2017 23:47:46 GMT
Father, I come to you today acknowledging that you are so glorious and powerful that I can't even imagine what it must be like to be in your presence in heaven. It is only because of the blood of your beloved son, Jesus, that I can even approach your throne. I don't approach you with my usual attitude today. I am a little apprehensive like a child who knows she has done something wrong and doesn't want her father to be disappointed in her.
I don't know what I need today, but I do know I need you more than anything else. I feel an uneasiness in my heart, but I don't know what I need to pray about. You know me better than I know myself, and I know that whatever it is, you will help me focus and know what's wrong.
I sense an anxiety...a fear that I will never be where I need to be. I feel like I take one step forward and one step back. I can think I am spiritually doing so well, and then I find myself in the middle of a frozen lake with the ice cracking and nowhere to go.
It's not like I am consciously sinning. I am not going out and doing bad things. I'm trying to do a ll the things I should to be a Christian. I sound a little like that Pharisee bragging in the synagogue, don't I? I'm sorry, God; it's so easy to slip over into that territory.
My sins are not the ones people can see. They are sins of not trusting you to control my life. Sins of judging people, and somehow forgetting that I used to be in their shoes. Sins of omission...so much I should do and don't.
Most of all I think I am feeling angry inside about so many things when I should be giving those things to you. I don't think the anger is toward you, but maybe some of it is, and I just won't admit it.
Father, help me to repent. Break this will of mine that wants to hold on to anger and hurt. Help me to accept your will in regard to my health and other emotional issues. I gave everything to you once, but like a spiritual hoarder, I am sneaking back to the garbage bin and dragging out my old problems. Father, I am that sinner in the synagogue beating my chest and begging for your mercy. Forgive me and help me to find spiritual healing so that I can freely praise and worship you again with all my heart.
Fri, 24 Feb 2017 10:47:52 GMT
Beautiful imagery, and thoughts.